Networking for Introverts

I am a huge fan of Ted Talks for personal development and one of these Ted Talks changed my perspective on people.  It was Susan Cain’s talk on The Power of Introverts.

Susan Cain - The Power of Introverts care of TED
Susan Cain – The Power of Introverts via TED

Prior to my coming across this video, I couldn’t understand the apprehensions some business owners expressed in taking the stage to deliver a talk.  It didn’t make sense to me why some business owners explained that after going to a networking event, they would go home for the rest of the day in order to recharge.  For me, some of my most productive days might have involved a couple of networking events; a couple of one to one meetings or phonecalls, with maybe a skype chat in the evening to an overseas client.  But then as I watched this video, I finally understood what it meant to be an introvert.  How they are different to extroverts and how it is perfectly okay to be an introvert or extrovert or both.

I mentioned in another post how my branding mistake suddenly led to see images of a template I chose for my first business card everywhere, and I had a similar experience after watching this Ted Talk, as I realised just how many of my friends and my sister as it turned out, were introverts.  With my new found knowledge of  introverts, I did a bit of research, talked to several introverted business owners and from our conversations, I manage to compile the following list of tips introverts could use in order to cope with the daunting prospect of networking.

  1. Find a networking group that works for you.  Try finding a networking event that attracts smaller numbers.  Networking is not about quantity but quality.  Networking should be less about collecting as many business cards as you can, and more about how you can help others.  If you are unsure of what networking groups there are around you, here are a few suggestions that may help.
  2. Review the attendee list.  With many networking events, especially with Facebook Events, and organisations such as Eventbrite and Meetup, it is possible to see who is attending the event beforehand.  It enables business owners to be productive with their time as they can see which business owners are attending prior to the event.  Take a look at their profile, their website and social media credentials and then make a list of who you wish to talk to.
  3. Don’t work the whole crowd.  It’s scary enough having to walk into a room full of strangers without putting undue pressure on oneself to try and talk to everyone.  It just isn’t possible and in fact, us extroverts/ambiverts wouldn’t attempt to talk to everybody either.   Set a realistic goal for yourself to talk to maybe one or two individuals, and spend some time mayking that connection and having a qualiTEA conversation.
  4. Find a mindful extrovert to go with. Extroverts thrive in social situations especially networking events and if you find the right extrovert to go with, the mindful extrovert will introduce you to a circle of business owners, and ensure you get an opportuniTEA to introduce yourself and your business.  A mindful extrovert will ask questions in order to draw out more information from you that you can relay to the group of business owners.  A mindful extrovert may even keep an eye out for you for the duration of the networking event.  We do exist, I promise you 🙂
  5. Don’t change.  You are who you are and you should embrace it!  Introverts have a reputation for being great listeners.  You are thoughtful, you are observant and have a keen eye for detail.  Use this to your advantage when networking.  These are key traits to have if you want to excel in networking to help others which will in turn help you and your business in the long run.  Remember the lessons that Dale Carnegie taught us.

    How to Win Friends and Influence People
    How to Win Friends and Influence People – Infographic by Hubspot
  6. Remember your why.  Remember your goals.  Think about your passion and your business.  When you remember why you are in business and why you are in the room of strangers, it will make it easier to strike up a conversation with someone.  We are all in the same room with the aim to network and find contacts and connections.  The start of the conversation will probably start in the same way: ‘What is your name / What is it that you do’ and if you remember your why, these questions should be easy to answer.   Following the introductions, try asking open ended questions to keep the conversation going.
  7. Find the wallflower in the room.  This is probably the most challenging for introverts but stay with me.  As an ambivert, I tend to walk to the wallflower who looks up nervously from their phone hoping to find the courage to speak to someone.  I hope that by walking to that individual I can learn more about that person and think about ways in which I could help them.  Introverts can do this too. They know that introverts the world over are in the same scary networking predicament. It just takes one introvert to take that brave step.  Take a deep breathe, smile, walk over to an individual and say hello.  Believe me the wallflower in the room will really appreciate what you did and you will find a rewarding conversation will ensue.
  8. Follow Up.  Once you have reached your desired goal and met everybody that you wanted to meet, go home, take that well deserved rest and don’t forget to follow up once you are fully recharged.   If the conversations you held involved offering some assistance to the other person e.g. sending them an article, giving them a contact, or link to a website, whatever it was don’t forget to honour your word and send them the details.  Ask them for a business card and write a little note to yourself to remind yourself why you were going to follow up; and if there was no call of action following the conversation, just a simple thank you email will do wonders to help you build your network.

Now if all of this sounds too daunting, don’t worry.  There are a couple of other steps introverts can do to help them along the way and when the time is right, you could revisit this post and start your relationship building journey.

  1. Find a Toastmasters group.  When I was networking in London, I was asked to accompany one of my friends to a meeting.  My friend knew she would have to network for her business and the thought of networking filled her with dread.  She thought that by going to Toastmasters, it may give her the confidence to speak to others.  I went along to support my friend and when I turned up, the amount of support the organisers and attendees gave to each other filled me with immense joy.  One of the most memorable moments that night was when three friends, announced that they had all had a stammer but they made a pact to come to Toastmasters to increase their confidence, so that one day they could walk into a party and strike up a conversation with a stranger.  The meetings are very well structured and the organisers are extremely welcoming to every attendee.  Their aim is to help you achieve your goal: whether it is to turn up to a party; prepare for that best man speech; networking for business or any other goal you may have.  Everybody in the meeting is in the same boat and everybody wants to reach that goal of having the confidence to speak in public in whatever capacity.  Why not find your local group and find out how they can help you?
  2. Try Networking online.  A great resource for introverts is to use social media to find business owners to talk to and connect with.  I wrote a blog post on how to get the best out of a Facebook Group and this is probably a great place to start, in order to start networking.  Like a post, comment on a post and share useful articles.  These are a great way to start networking in the comfort of your own home (or office).  You can look at member’s Facebook profiles, look at their Facebook pages and their website and social media credentials and when the time is right, you could send them a Facebook message to start a conversation with them.

So that’s my 8 (plus 2 bonus) tips on how introverts can network effectively but I would love to hear from you.  As an introvert, what other tips do you have to help others to network effectively?  I would love to see your comments below.  Thanks for listening.


MayKing Mistakes in Online Networking: Facebook Groups

When I went to my first few networking events in Brisbane, I made arrangements to meet individuals face to face and got to know them a little better and I listened and learned a great deal from the first few business owners I met.  The common topic that was talked about was online networking.  I spoke passionately about Twitter but many business owners I had met talked about Facebook.

The more people I met, the more I realised I really ought to learn more about this Facebook lark so I paid my dollars to attend a course.  During the course, I continued in the networking vein, listening to business owners, and learning from them. I was a bored during the course if truth be known, but then late in the afternoon came the golden nugget.  The trainer talked about something called Facebook groups and I got excited as I began to realise its potential.

I wanted to build relationships with other business owners, and as I didn’t know anybody in Brisbane, I had to work extra hard on networking.  I decide to create a Facebook Group called Queensland Business and start networking online.  Fast forward several years and it is still going strong. 7000+ members strong but now and again I still see several mistakes made by business owners (in this Facebook group and others, not just in Australia), where business owners go straight for the sale.

It kinda reminds me of the BBC TV Licence Ad where business owners want instant results, but my purpose for the group was not for business owners to sell and promote to each other, but because being in business can often feel like a lonely place, it was a place where we could help, share and form collaborations.  Other mistakes I have seen in Facebook groups include:

  1. Disrespect.  With many business groups, there are voluntary administrators who dedicate their time to ensure the smooth running of the group.  I have seen many times where business owners have gone straight to the sale and promoted their latest product or service only to see the post removed by an administrator.  Thinking that there must be some mistake, the business owner decides to put up their salesy post again.  This is not only disrespectful to the founder of the group, but it is disrespectful to the administrators who work hard to ensure to prevent spam and to the members of the group.
  2. Criticism.  I am all for healthy debate in a Facebook group but criticising others because they do not share your view and launching into an argument, attacking people and taking things personally is not a good strategy for networking.  Remember you represent your business and people are likely to remember the antagonists, the serial critic, the bully.  Would you want your business to be remembered for that?
  3. The written word is devoid of emotion.  I remember back in my IT days when I was given feedback from my team, via my Manager.  One of the criticisms bestowed upon me, was that I was curt.  I was devastated but I took the criticism on the chin and tried to put myself in the shoes of my team.  In expressing empathy, I soon realised that my wanting to get straight to the point, inadvertently appeared rude.  Remember that the written word always appears harsher than originally intended, so my advice would be to be verbose and explain your intended emotion behind your words so that the reader can understand your intentions.

To build relationships effectively in Facebook Groups, I recommend the following:

  1. Read the About Section.  All Facebook groups will have an About section that will pinpoint you to the purpose of the group.  As business owners, before you starting posting in the group I recommend that this should be your first port of call.  Find out about the rules of the group and abide by them.  This is respectful to the founder of the group and to its members.
  2. Listen and observe. Before you launch straight into the group.  See how the other members interact in the group.  Spend a bit of time getting to know the culture of the group; how the group behaves; when people are active in the group.
  3. Show some appreciation.  Show some appreciation for the post with a simple like, or a quick thank you.  The more your name is seen by others, the more memorable you become.  The more helpful you are in your comments to others, you increase your chances of people clicking on your name to find out more about you and what you do for business.  You don’t need to like every or comment on every post as that might be construed as annoying, but if you read a post, and really appreciated it, a quick like will go a long way.
  4. Don’t sell, add value instead.  To stand out from the rest of the competition, you need to prove that you are a specialist in your field.  If it’s appropriate and doesn’t contravene the rules of the group, share one of your blog posts or write a comment demonstrating your expertise in response to questions that may arise in the group.
  5. Be helpful. From the groups that I have been a member of, questions will often arise pertaining to recommendations for a given service.  If you have a received a service from a business owner that matches the question, tag that business owner (or add them to the group initially if they’re not a member), and give a short explanation as to why you’re recommending them.  If you are the business owner that was recommended, you can help by expressing gratitude for the recommendation.
  6. Be mindful of time. It is easy to get caught up in helping others and forgetting to focus on your own business and goals.  This was my mistake with Queensland Business although admittedly, because I didn’t know anybody in Brisbane, I felt that I had to work extra hard to get to know people and build relationships.  Set some time aside to visit Facebook Groups and make sure you put that focus back on your business once that hour is up or whatever time you set aside for yourself.

The Featured Image of this blog post was commandeered from a great source for all things social media.  Social Media Examiner has a great article on how to Network with Facebook Groups and I highly recommend you read this post too.

What other tips do you have for people who are new to Facebook Groups for business?  Feel free to add a comment below.  We’d love to hear from you.

Where to find Networking Groups

I was really fortunate to have a friend to take me to my first networking event when I was in London and at my first networking event, I met other networking event organisers who invited me to their meetings and that’s how it snowballed.  When I moved to Australia though, I didn’t know a single person prior to going.  Here’s what I did to try and find networking groups.

  1. I asked.  It was a long shot, but I thought I’d give it a go.  Does anybody know anybody in Brisbane I asked?  Not a sausage, but after going to several networking events, I did eventually receive the name of somebody who had just moved to Sydney.  I was really lucky though because I knew that I would be in Sydney for a week before moving to Brisbane.  Why not give her a holler?  I felt like the luckiest gal on the planet because I was put in touch with the amazing Suzy Jacobs from She Business fame.
  2. Twitter.  I decided to take full advantage of my week in Sydney to try and meet people other than the wonderful Suzy.   I found several business owners on Twitter and struck up a conversation with them, and asked if I could meet them on a certain date/time.  From memory, I think I managed to set up 7 meetings in 5 days with my first meeting on the day of arriving in Sydney from London.  Yes I was jet lagged after a 24 hour flight, but with that meeting came further business opportunities later down the track including a couple of tea speaking gigs, and an opportuniTEA to showcase my tea in front of 50 business owners.
  3. Google.  After my week in Sydney, I did a Google Search to find networking events in Brisbane to see what would come up.  Google led me to some great networking events including Chambers of Commerce, Rotary Clubs, BNI groups and other local networking events organised by local business owners.
  4. Word of Mouth.   When I went onto Twitter to find business owners in Brisbane, I was extremely fortunate that I met the lovely Linda from Journey Jottings fame on Twitter and invited her to a cup of tea at the first tea house I found in Brisbane.  We met face to face, had a really pleasant conversation and Linda also gave me suggestions on Brisbane based networking events.
    Linda Fairbairn aka @journeyjottings
    Linda Fairbairn aka @journeyjottings

    At each networking event I attended, other networking event organisers attended to entice business owners to go to their networking events.  I very quickly found myself inundated with several networking events to attend.  Attending the first few networking events, led me to my first interview about Twitter, led me to my first Chinese Gong Fu Tea Ceremony event.  Helped me to find someone to design my business card and led me to a great photographer.  I found opportuniTEAs to talk about tea and to sell my tea and teawares.  Networking for the first few months in a city I didn’t know led me to some amazing prospects and future collaborations.

    My First Gong Fu Tea Ceremonial Event in Brisbane
           My First Brisbane Gong Fu Tea Ceremony
  5.  Meetup is an online social networking website that encourages people to organise and/or participate in face to face meetings around the world.  I used this website both for business to find networking events and business events to attend.  I also used Meetup for personal use too. Moving to a new city in a new country meant that I had to find a way to meet new friends.  I found a meetup group that loves Karaoke (I LOVE Karaoke), Films (I love films) and Friday Night drinkypoos (I like to gain my daily source of antioxidants by various means other than tea 😉 )
  6. Business Magazines. As I attended networking events, I sometimes found business magazines at venues where networking events were held.  Leafing through the magazines and reading interviews of successful business folk and useful articles about various aspects of business, there were advertisements of local networking groups to attend to.

If you have any other suggestions of where to find networking groups, please share them in the comments below.  I’d love to hear from  you.

MayKing Mistakes in Networking

Networking, according to Wikipedia is a socioeconomic business activity by which businesspeople and entrepreneurs meet to form business relationships and to recognize, create, or act upon business opportunities, share information and seek potential partners for ventures.  Networking, or relationship building as I prefer to call it, can take two forms: face to face and online and I thought I would write my experiences of both over the years.

I remember, just after I was made redundant, I had already launched my business but without the comfort of a day job, I had to venture out into the business world and start building relationships.  Fortunately my dear friend, Katrina, from The Marketing Lady fame, took me under her wing and recommended a few places for us to meet with like-minded business folk.   Having read my favourite book for personal development and relationship building, I felt equipped to make a start.

I’d scan the room and look for individuals who were sat on their own, looking at their phones, or sipping their coffee (or even better, a cup of tea 🙂 ).  I’d see plenty of groups of business owners exchanging business cards, having a conversation, having a laugh, but I wanted to connect with an individual.  Why?  I did it, because I have done it all my life.  I can appreciate how nerve wrecking it can be to walk into a room full of strangers.  I have been described as an extrovert which means walking up to a stranger is very easy for me.  As I have gotten older, I actually feel that I am more of an ambivert but I digress.  When I read in my favourite book that listening with empathy is a way of getting people to like you, I knew that I was on the right track.

It sounds cold and calculating doesn’t it?  Be genuinely interested in people so that people like you.  Be a good listener and encourage the other person to talk about themselves.  Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.  The thing is though, to make friends and influence people in business is a skill.  It is imperative for your business and if you’re not a good listener; if you can’t be genuinely inTEArested in others, then networking is going to be a waste of your time.

Networking will end up becoming a business card collecting exercise.  Talking to others about yourself; selling to the other person before they’ve got to know a little bit about you, is likely to turn people off.  Let me ask you this.  Do you like being sold to?  Are you a fan of junk mail appearing in your letterbox or Inbox?  Do you like those pop-up Ads interrupting you when you are in the middle of reading an online article?  Rather annoying isn’t it?  Here are a few of the other #networkingbloopers that I have experienced over the years.  These are all genuine.  Some of you readers may have experienced these already. I am not mayking these up.  (MK is me; NB is short for Networking Blooper).

  1. Hi my name is […] and my business is […].  Here’s my card.’
    [Thrusts business card into hand then walks off to the next victim] :-/
  2. NB: So what’s your name?
    MK: My name’s May King and… [NB interrupts]
    NB: Hi May, so I’m [insert name] and my business is [insert business name] and I [outlines the business]
    MK: [nods / smiles / listens]
    NB: [10 minutes later] so yeah, that’s me, but I better go, here’s my business card.  We should catch up!
    [Walks off to find next victim]
  3. NB: Hi, my name’s [insert name] and you are?
    MK: Well my first name is May King and my business is MayKing Tea.
    NB: What do you do May?  [I should interrupt at this conversation and ask you readers.  Did you notice NB’s blunder?  NB didn’t listen and didn’t call me by my first name.  Yes, I know it’s an easy mistake to make but another great tip from Dale Carnegie if you want to make friends and influence people is: ‘Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language’.  Back to the blooper:
    MK:   [as I explain what I do, NB looks over my shoulder for a better prospect.  NB’s not listening, I don’t really feel like talking anymore and I’m plotting my getaway in my head as I aim to finish the conversation quickly].
  4. NB: So what do you do? [Yep – no hello, no introduction, launches straight in]
    MK: My first name is May King and I have a business called MayKing Tea.  I sell loose leaf tea sourced from around the world.
    NB: That’s not going to make you much money is it?  But I have a business that will make you lots of money! [Proceeds to talk about his/her network marketing proposition]
    MK: [nods / smiles / listens/plots in head for quick getaway]

I have thought about doing a #networkingblooper series to recreate the funniest moments I and other business owners have had experienced in networking.  Kinda like Candid Camera or You’ve Been Framed except that you don’t get £250 for sending your videos in.  Maybe I will one day, but in the meantime here are a few things that you can do when you are at a networking event.

  1. Meet new people. At a networking event, we are all there for the same reason.  Don’t be tempted to stay with the people you came to the event with.  This is known as your comfort zone, and you know what happens in business if we stay in our comfort zone don’t we?
    image care of

    As we are all in the room with the same agenda, try and find someone on their own, smile and introduce yourself and start a conversation.

  2. Don’t sell.  I mentioned earlier that generally as humans, we don’t like being sold to, so explain what you do, but don’t sell.  If you hand over your business card, and if the person is inTEArested, they will contact you.
  3. Ask questions and listen. There are plenty of great lessons and principles in Dale Carnegie‘s book and this is one of them.  Give the person you’re talking to, the respect that they deserve and be genuine in your questions and listen sincerely.
  4. Don’t interrupt, criticise or argue.  This is common sense but it’s amazing how many people want to be heard and in an attempt to get their point across, they will use one of these negative actions.   Remember you are at the meeting to represent your business, your brand and you want to make a good impression.   Focus on the positives and ditch the negatives.

    image care of
  5. Smile. I love this Chinese proverb: ‘A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.’  It’s amazing what can be achieved when you smile.  Sharing what you do, especially if you love what you do, coupled with a smile will create a positive impression to the person you’re talking to, and we all want people to have a positive impression of ourselves and our business don’t we?
  6. Follow Up. This final point, I have to admit, I have made mistakes on and haven’t necessarily followed up with every person I’ve met, but we’re all human.  We all make mistakes, right? If you have a Twitter profile, I’m likely to give you a shout out, as I do love Twitter. If I want to meet with you, I will connect with you, especially if you have all your social media credentials, website and email address up to date (this is extremely important).  To make that first positive impression of you and your business stretch a little further, the follow up is a great habit to form.  It’s the start of building a relationship with another business owner and by following up, you never know where the start of that relationship can lead your business.

There’s probably another 10, 15, 20 networking tips that I could share with you here, but I would love to hear from you.  Do you have a #networkingblooper story you’d like to share?  What’s your best networking tip for networking newbies?  Would love to hear from you.